Rocketed Into the Fourth Dimension
by Mickey W.
Spiritual awakenings or spiritual experiences are cited throughout our program and literature. The concept of being “rocketed into the fourth dimension” is first mentioned in “Bill’s Story”. There Bill W., while still in the clutches of the insidious disease of alcoholism, paints that all too familiar picture: “How dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.”
Looking back now, I can still remember what it was like before I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. I remember the darkness before the storm that was my last drunk. I can see the downhill progression of my alcoholism. Alcohol became the center of my social activities, clouding judgment, relationships and choices. Drinking became my escape when failed relationships with men, friends and even family members contributed to declining self-worth and self-esteem. My social life disintegrated as feelings of insecurity, loneliness and desperation polluted my drinking. Alcoholism spilled over into my career, affecting creativity, productivity and attendance. My professional life crumbled as job fulfillment and camaraderie with co-workers slowly slipped away because I could no longer keep my drinking a secret. Alcoholism continued to take me to the depths of despair, but I no longer wanted nor had the ability to quit drinking on my own. I knew I was slowly dying, if not physically, surely emotionally and spiritually. I was at that jumping off point explained in our literature. Do I continue on this path of destruction and despair, or do I accept spiritual help? It seems absurd to me now, but only a true alcoholic can realize what a difficult choice that was.
My time in the program helps me to keep these dark memories green and I am grateful for that. I can see them so clearly now, but I cannot say that was the case when I first got to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. At that time I was a combination of the bewildered and intellectually self-sufficient alcoholic described in Step Two of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. I arrived at AA’s doorstep with an attitude of “indifference, fancied self-sufficiency, prejudice and defiance”. Despite circumstances to the contrary, I still believed I knew what was best for me. I was not totally convinced that alcoholism was my problem, but I did have a desire to quit drinking.
I went to meetings
and I listened to other alcoholics share their experience, strength and hope.
I identified with their stories and slowly, very slowly, reached out for
help. I read in Alcoholics Anonymous that whenever an alcoholic “takes any alcohol
whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental
sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop.”
Then, adding insult to injury, I learned that left to my own devices, I
was without defense against the first drink.
I was like so many other alcoholics who had no idea why I took the first
drink, setting the vicious cycle in motion again and again.
I was at a point where I was primed and ready for AA’s solution.
Our literatures tells us again in “There
is a Solution” that once we pick up
the spiritual tools offered by AA’s program, “We have found much of heaven
and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had
not even dreamed.” Our founders
then explain that “we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which
have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and
toward God’s universe.” Their
descriptive words resonate a pretty spectacular event, but that’s not exactly
how it happened for me. My
spiritual awakening was more of the “educational variety” that slowly
develops over time as explained in Appendix II of our Big Book.
I cannot tell you exactly when I felt God working in my life, but I know
that it happened. The fact that I
was alive and sober told me that God had always been doing for me what I could
not do for myself, long before I ever realized it, or was able to ask for His
help. I guess I expected lots of
bells and whistles, that pink cloud of euphoria, but “God consciousness”
came to me softly, quietly. I
followed the direction of my sponsor, became willing to do the footwork
necessary to stay sober and worked the steps to the best of my ability. I started building a spiritual foundation that grew from my
heart and soul. It no longer
mattered what I thought, but rather what I felt.
I began to realize it wasn’t about me and what I wanted.
It was about you and what I had to give.
My spiritual journey began, with love and service paving the way in a new
direction. Needless to say, the results have been, and continue to be,
spectacular!
Having spent a considerable amount of time
reading, reflecting and writing this article, it is easy to understand why
“Rocketed Into the Fourth Dimension” was chosen as the topic for our July
“AA Coordinator”. This 4th
of July will certainly have new meaning for me. AA’s program of recovery has definitely given me a new
freedom and a new happiness. It
revolutionized my reality and gave me a life that is beyond my wildest dreams.
By allowing God to be my leader, I gained true “independence of the
Spirit”. Peace and serenity have
been my rewards and, just as Bill W. promised, I live a useful and contented
life that continues to be incredibly wonderful.
So, this 4th of July while you’re watching the fireworks, I
hope you will acknowledge and celebrate the spectacular event of spiritual
recovery. I know I will!